Learning
by Masked-Writer-In-Disguise
Summary: Who was Danzou to decide who should live or die?...Who was Danzou to wish this blond boy’s life ended...the sparkle in his eyes killed...? Who the hell was Danzou to ask Sai to be the instrument of destruction' SaiSasu, yaoi, angst. Side 4 Dawnverse


_**Masked-Writer-In-Disguise:**__ Hey, y'all. Yes, I know. What the fuck are you doing writing a new story when you should be working on the smut for chapter 12 of __Stumble__? Ok, so let me explain. I'm having a hard time coming up with the inspiration for __Stumble__, but I can come up with inspiration for a shit ton of other stuff. This particular one is about Sai. At the end, it will be a SaiSasu story, so if you really don't like that pairing, I don't care, you can leave. For those of you who are going to stay: Enjoy!!!_

_This is in the Dawn Universe, just so y'all know. I ain't following cannon completely. This story can be read independently, but if you want to know things from Sasuke's point of view, read The Dawn (it's one of my better works)._

_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own Naruto. I don't own Sasuke or Sai or Kakashi or Iruka. All I really own is basically my stupid rebellious imagination, my computer and the plot to this story, so there. STOP ASKING ME!!!!_

_**Inspiration:**__ Lit class and me writing down my random thoughts. Stuff just comes out._

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

_Learning_

_By: Masked-Writer-In-Disguise_

The boy looked through the door at his father sitting at his desk. The man was as large and imposing and unapproachable as ever, but he seemed sad for some reason. Little brown eyes blinked and reopened to watch the man that had been the only constant in his life drop his head into his shaking hands. The large man's shoulders started to shake, and the boy frowned. Why was Papa crying? Papa never cried. The little boy pushed open the door a bit more; silently praying it wouldn't creak and disturb his papa. It didn't and the little boy entered the room, padding on cat's feet.

He walked over to the big man's office chair and rested a tiny hand on the significantly larger knee. His papa looked down at him and a large hand left his face to ruffle the chocolate locks on the small head. The man offered a watery smile that did nothing to dispel the boy's worries, and the boy frowned again, raising a tiny pale hand, the one that wasn't resting on his father's knee, and placed it on the man's damp face.

Something was wrong, and the boy wanted to know what; he wasn't stupid.

"Papa? Why are you crying?" the boy asked in his small voice. Why was Papa crying? Adults weren't supposed to cry. They were supposed to be the strong ones and stop the children when they cried. Papa wasn't supposed to be sad.

"Don't worry about it, Sai. It's nothing," the man rumbled in his deep bass voice and it brought a certain measure of comfort to Sai. The small boy smiled and nodded as he was lifted and carried out of the room, the study with all of its familiar features, and away from the dying embers of the once roaring fire.

Papa tucked Sai into bed, read him a bedtime story and kissed the pale forehead. The man left the room, leaving a crack in the door to allow a small sliver of golden light to fall on an otherwise colorless sleeping face.

Later that night, Papa came back into the room and lifted Sai out of the bed. The boy didn't struggle as he was wrapped in a warm blanket and cradled against the man's broad chest; it was Papa, and Papa would always keep him safe. They exited the room, the house and out into the cold and Papa walked away from the house. Little brown eyes watched the house get smaller through the blow of snow. Papa handed the boy over to an unfamiliar man and turned to leave.

"Papa?!" the boy cried out and started to struggle.

"Quiet, boy. You're coming with me, so stop your struggling," the man growled and Sai stopped moving and watched his father walk away from him.

"Papa," Sai whispered and he was pulled away.

That was the day Sai learned about abandonment.

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

The boy, now the age of 9, gasped as his back bent at an odd angle as it made contact with a tree. He hurt, but he'd survive. He knew that, no matter how hard Danzou was with his training, the man would never kill him. The boy gasped and sputtered and laid on the ground, trying to catch his breath. It was coming in short painful spurts; maybe he'd broken a rib. He heard footsteps approaching and he tried to get up; the man would want him to try again.

"Get up, boy," Danzou growled. " If I were the enemy, you'd be dead by now. Get up and try again!"

Sai struggled to push himself up, and he managed to get up before he collapsed onto himself again. His chakra was dangerously low, and if he used anymore today, he'd die. He didn't want to die. He tried again and he failed again. Danzou growled and stalked forward to pick the boy up by his upper arm. Sai whimpered at the bruising grip, and then he was flying through the air again. He hit another tree with a sickening crack, and, this time, he didn't even try to get up.

Danzou walked up to the boy again and fisted the boy's shirt, lifting the limp body off the ground. The man was wearing his usual arrogant sneer.

"I said, 'get up,' Sai. Are your ears broken?"

Sai blinked sluggishly as his head lolled back. He couldn't talk, he could barely think, but he managed to register the resigned sigh the man emitted as he was thrown over a broad shoulder.

"You're completely useless, you know that? I don't even know why I took you in the first place. So far you've shown no promise as a shinobi."

The slightly swaying boy knew he should be angry, should yell and scream and kick, fight. He knew that he shouldn't be this…apathetic in regards to the verbal abuse that was being thrown his way. Sai knew he should feel something, but he didn't. The brunette didn't feel anything except the pain in his ribs and skull; only physical pain. Nothing emotional.

He felt numb. No, he couldn't be numb. Being numb meant one had something to be numb for, like anger or pain, but he had nothing.

Sai slowly became aware of the voices drifting through the air. They were back at Root Headquarters then. The boy assumed he should be grateful that he'd finally be able to lie on a stable surface, rather than sway off this man's shoulder and further jar his possible broken bones, but he wasn't. He didn't feel anything. The brunette assumed he should feel disturbed at his lack of emotion, but he didn't, so he simply pushed the issue out of his mind as he lost consciousness.

That was the day Sai learned not to feel.

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

Sai stood in front of Danzou in silence. It was not his place to speak to his superiors. Danzou looked at the teen, now 14, with a disturbing glint in his eye, but Sai ignored it. It was not his place to question his superiors. Danzou gestured for the boy to move forward, so Sai did. It was his place to follow orders without question. The man's hands ran over Sai's body, lingering places they shouldn't be lingering, but Sai didn't move or flinch. It was not his place to defy his superiors.

Danzou's hands undid Sai's pants and the boy's eyes widened slightly, but he didn't move, didn't speak. His pants fell to the floor, and Sai's lower lip quivered ever so slightly, but he didn't move, didn't speak. He didn't do anything; not when the man told him to bend over the desk, not when the man plunged into his virgin hole dry, not when the blood began to flow, not when the pain became almost unbearable, not when the man finished. It wasn't his place to speak to his superiors. The man threw Sai over to his pants by his hair and told him to get dressed and get out. Sai did as he was told; that was all he was ever allowed to do.

Twenty minutes after the teen had entered Danzou's office, Sai exited the room limping and staggering drunkenly. There was pain between his legs, but he shut it out; just like he shut out the blood and other bodily fluids running down the insides of his legs, just like he ignored the stares of the other boys he passed. It wasn't his place to speak out against Danzou; it wasn't his place.

As Sai stumbled into his bedroom and into the connected bathroom, he began to wonder: Where, exactly, _is_ his place? The spray of the water started up and Sai stumbled into the small cubicle-like space fully clothed. Pink water swirled down the drain, but Sai ignored it and peeled off his already soaked clothing, letting it pile in the corner and curled into the fetal position. The water ran over his arched back and, for the first time since he was nine, he let the tears escape. The teen rocked back and forth to the best of his ability and let the water wash away any evidence of the man who'd taken everything from him.

Half an hour later Sai exited his room. He didn't look any different, just slightly reddened eyes and a small part of a bruise on his hip peeking out from behind the waistband of his pants. Sai walked as he always walked and his features were just as blank and they always were, but, inside, he felt different. The teen saw the world through tainted eyes, a taint that killing for a living from such a small age could never replicate; it was colder, harsher, less beautiful, hopeless, dying.

That was the day Sai learned what it was like to lose everything worth keeping.

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

Sai was 17 now, and he was joining Team 7. Danzou said he was supposed to kill Sasuke, the old team member that had been kidnapped, but, after speaking with the over-emotional blond boy named Naruto, he began to question his assignment. Who was Danzou to decide who should live or die? Who was Danzou to try to eliminate the Uchiha Clan? Who was Danzou to ruin the lives of, at least, 29 boys, himself included? Who was Danzou to wish this blond boy's life ended, ruined, the sparkle in his eyes killed, the laughter that so often bubbled from his throat smothered? Who the _hell_ was Danzou to ask Sai to be the instrument of destruction?

Sai wasn't going to be the sword this time. He wasn't going to ruin the fragile bond he'd built with the blond. He wasn't going to steal the sparkle from the blue eyes or the laughter from his mouth; wasn't going to betray the only friend he had.

So, when Sai went off to parlay with Orochimaru on Danzou's behalf, he also learned of the location of Sasuke's cell.

That was the day Sai learned to think for himself, to follow his heart.

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

Sai looked at the pale sickly boy curled up against Kakashi and felt something strange bubbling up in his chest. The teen didn't know what to make of it. All his life he went by not feeling anything, but as soon as a teen that had been tortured for two years straight enters his life, he's automatically thrown into confusion. He'd thought he was confused when he met Sakura and Naruto, but it was nothing compared to this. Nothing.

The boy, Sasuke, started crying again and Sai had no clue what to do. He didn't know how to comfort people; nobody had ever comforted him, not that he'd ever needed comfort, but sometimes it would have been nice knowing that someone cared about him as more than a potential weapon. Naruto and Kakashi were at Sasuke's side instantly, trying to get him to calm down, but it took a lot to calm someone down after two years of torture; hell, it took a lot to calm someone down after 20 minutes of unwanted sex.

Sai was drawn back to the present with a snap. The two rescuers looked at a loss for what to do.

"We're not going anywhere," Kakashi murmured and Sai sat down on the bed next to Naruto.

"Alright, sensei, scoot over. We're all sharing this bed tonight," Sai stated matter-of-factly, and he simple crawled further onto the bed.

Naruto muttered something not really all that nice, considering the circumstances, so he smacked the blond teen upside the head.

"Shut up, dickless."

That was the day Sai learned to care.

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

Sasuke curled up against Sai on Sai's living room couch. They weren't really doing anything, but they had to spend time together. It was kind of being forced by Kakashi and Naruto, who were currently off on some mission or another without the two raven haired teens, as they both needed a rest. Sasuke had been having nightmares as of late and he was too afraid to sleep because he didn't want Orochimaru to come back; Sasuke didn't even want to remember the name. Sai couldn't really blame him; the artist didn't really want to remember Danzou either, but he did. He was still forced to work with the man.

Sasuke inhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around Sai's pale waist. Sai responded by absentmindedly wrapping an arm around thin, boney shoulders. Usually, at this type of contact, Sasuke flinched and tried to get away, or he would freak out and start screaming and flailing and begging for whoever was doing to touching to not hurt him, but he didn't; he just relaxed and let Sai hold him. This didn't go unnoticed by Sai, who raised his head off of the back of the couch it had been resting against and looked at the other raven haired teen with a raised eyebrow. Sasuke looked back at him with a completely straight face.

Sai continued to look at the other teen with a slightly suspicious look in his eye. Sasuke still stared back with a completely straight face; the Uchiha face, as Naruto liked to call it. This went on for several minutes before Sasuke suddenly smiled a real smile; not one of those little half smiles he always gave Naruto to get the obnoxious blond off his back, but a full-blown, not-a-care-in-the-world smile. Sai felt that same feeling he'd felt when he'd first seen Sasuke curled up against Kakashi, but this time it was a thousand, thousand times stronger.

That was the day Sai learned what it was like to fall in love.

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

Sasuke moaned into the kiss. Sai smiled and decided he liked that noise, especially if it came from Sasuke. Sai's tongue gently pushed against Sasuke's lips and the mouth opened readily, the tongue of the opposite mouth coming out to taste Sai. The tongues met halfway and Sai's hands traveled from Sasuke's silky lock, down his well-defined back to cup his denim clad ass. He gave a light squeeze and Sasuke moaned again, unwittingly giving Sai the advantage in their kiss which effectively got the older raven the right to dominance.

Heat traveled through both the teens and Sai let go of Sasuke's ass long enough to open the door to their apartment and close it behind him, effectively shutting out the chilly night and the curious eyes of Sasuke's fan club. The older raven's free hand soon found its way back to Sasuke's body, straight down the front of the younger man's jeans, in fact. The older teen was focused solely on bringing Sasuke pleasure, right now; they'd had a long night.

Sasuke moaned loudly and busied his hands with Sai's body. What was sex without reciprocation, after all? Long, pale fingers brushed against Sai's stomach lightly, causing the muscles to flutter and Sai to moan, before making their way up Sai's front, under his ridiculous half-shirt and to the man's pert nipples, already pebbled because of the mixture of pleasure and cold air. The younger man pinched at them and Sai moaned again, breaking off the kiss in favor of the long pale column of flesh otherwise known as Sasuke's neck, all the while leading them steadily to their bedroom.

Sasuke's fingers fumbled with the zipper of Sai's shirt, usually graceful hands made clumsy through an overload of sensations; Sai's hand had found its prize and was currently stroking away, causing Sasuke's knees and hands to shake even further. Finally, the zipper decided to co-operate and Sai's shirt was discarded in the hallway, Sasuke's shirt following soon after _(Sai was having less of a hard time with this, and Sasuke thought it was highly unfair)_. The cold air came as a shock to both of them, but Sai ignored it.

The bedroom door was the nest obstacle, but that was soon bypassed by the two and Sasuke suddenly felt himself being pushed backwards onto the bed, Sai following on top. Sasuke's pants and boxers were removed in record time and Sai's mouth attached itself to Sasuke's right nipple, artists' fingers playing with the left. Sasuke arched off the bed and moaned out Sai's name; Sai smiled around the nipple in his mouth, pinching just a little harder on the other one, just to get the same sound. Sasuke did not disappoint. The more attention lavished on the pale chest, the louder the sounds got, and Sai took full advantage of this reaction.

Sai's mouth left Sasuke's chest and trailed down the center of his body, stopping at Sasuke's extremely sensitive navel. The artist's tongue dipped in and out repeatedly, causing Sasuke to arch and moan again and again, each one louder than before. Sai took note of the pale hands fisted in the silk bed sheets and chuckled; would Sasuke rip the sheets before Sai even got to the best part? It was time to find out because Sai's own need was already dripping just from the sounds the younger man was making.

The pale artist kicked himself out of his suddenly too tight pants, he didn't wear underwear, and was back on Sasuke in an instant; one couldn't let one's lover get too impatient, can they? Why take chances? There was full skin on skin contact and Sasuke automatically arched in to the lithe body above him. Gods, he was sensitive tonight.

Sai kissed Sasuke again, tongues languidly stroking each other without the frenzy of the first kiss; the roles of the evening had already been decided, do there was no need for another battle. Sasuke growled into the kiss and slapped Sai's ass; a clear signal to get on with in already. Sai 'tutted' playfully, but kissed his way back down to Sasuke's straining dick, bypassing the hard organ completely and choosing instead to suck on Sasuke's inner thighs. Sasuke growled in frustration and threw his head back against the mattress; Sai chuckled, sending wonderful vibrations to sensitive flesh.

Sasuke whimpered and thrust his hips pleadingly, and Sai took pity on him. Warm breath ghosted over the tip and Sai smiled at the pre-cum already gathering there. Brown eyes met black eyes and the artist's mouth wrapped around the sensitive head. Sasuke's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as they rolled back and let out a strangled shout, hips involuntarily buck up into the warm, moist heat. Sai, have had forgotten how thrice damned sensitive Sasuke was when it came to a blow job, cursed himself for forgetting and quickly remedied the situation, pinning the thin hips to the bed with thinner hands.

The mouth moved down further, inch by torturous inch, until it had completely engulfed the hard length. Part of it had gone down Sai's throat, but it didn't faze the former Root member in the slightest. The older of the two began bobbing his head up and down, humming one of Sasuke's favorite songs. Sasuke's screams probably woke the elderly couple four houses down. Sai laughed to the best of his ability and stopped, pulling the length from his mouth with a slight slurping sound. Sasuke was nearly in tears.

"Not yet," Sai whispered, and got off the bed to retrieve the lube from the living room, the last place they'd had sex. Sasuke's hands snaked down to his throbbing arousal, but they were smacked away, "No touchy. Not without me."

Sasuke whimpered, but did as he was told. Sai adjusted Sasuke's legs so that they were over the older man's shoulders and gave Sai a great view of the rose colored pucker. The lube cap snapped open and Sai squirted his fingers, recapping it and tossing it over a bit on the bed, he'd still need to reach it, as the long digits rubbed together to warm the gel coating them. Once the older man was sure about the temperature he pressed one finger to Sasuke's entrance, feeling in relax, ready to accept the intruding digit. As soon as the finger was in, Sasuke moaned and pushed back against it. Sai immediately began to move it; he was ready to be inside Sasuke, but he didn't want to hurt him. The next finger entered the equation and Sasuke moaned louder. Sai's fingers then began their quest to make Sasuke scream. After a few seconds of repositioning, they accomplished their task, as Sasuke was very vocal during sex. Sai smirked evilly and began working that spot for all it was worth, adding the third finger while he was at it. Soon Sasuke was shaking and begging for Sai just to fuck him already. Sai happily obliged.

The fingers were removed and Sai positioned himself at the slowly closing entrance. The artist put a steadying hand on Sasuke's inner thigh and pushed in past the tight ring of muscles. They both moaned in unison. When Sai was fully sheathed, he paused, as was custom with sleeping with Sasuke. If he was hurt, he freaked out. Tonight, however, Sasuke didn't want Sai to wait.

"Get on with it, bastard, or I'll cut your dick off and do it myself," Sasuke growled while rotating his hips.

Sai wasted no time in pulling out and thrusting back in with a vicious snap of his hips, his dick hitting Sasuke's prostate dead on. The threat had nothing to do with it, but the reaction did; the reaction was always worth seeing. Sasuke screamed and tore at the chakra reinforced silk sheets, arching clear off the bed, so Sai did it again, and again, and again, picking up pace each time; Sasuke would have a sore throat in the morning. Sasuke's muscled started tightening and the coils of heat in Sai's lower stomach followed suit. By now, Sasuke was begging for it 'harder' and 'faster,' and Sai was giving it to him at an almost inhuman pace.

Sasuke was the first to come, spraying streams of white onto both of their chests, Sai soon following, coating Sasuke's insides with his seed. Sure, it wouldn't go to making another life, but it always made Sai feel better knowing something of his was inside the younger male. Sai controlled his collapse onto Sasuke, not wanting to crush him, but not really wanting to move much either. Sasuke grunted and slapped Sai halfheartedly on the shoulder.

"I'm gonna hurt tomorrow, you dumb twat," he growled out playfully.

"Next time don't ask for 'harder' and 'faster,' and you won't hurt in the morning. I'm only doing what you tell me to, love," Sai replied in an equally playful tone, being completely serious as well; if Sasuke knew he had to work in the morning, don't do anything to initiate sex with Sai, or any other person for that matter, the night before. Sai didn't do anything half-assed.

A few moments of silence passed before Sasuke broke through.

"I'm sticky. Clean me up in a conventional way that won't end up in another round of sex," the younger raven demanded and Sai pushed himself up to go get a damp towel so they could clean themselves off and go to sleep. Sai had to work in the morning, too.

That was the day Sai learned to take back everything Danzou had stolen from him.

&~o~o~o~o~o~o~&

_**Masked-Writer-In-Disguise:**__ So…What did y'all think? Please tell me. I like it when you guys talk to me…Pweese…-pitiful pout-…_


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